Kor...

To my dearest brother, Kor

I know you love writing and is something I hate….But I guess this is the only way I can think of communicating with you. It has been 13 days since u left, but I still feel your presence around, I hear your voice in my head, and your ever warm greeting:” Yo, Zi lu!” each time I ring you.

I try to get back to my routine so that I can ease the pain of your passing, but there has not been a day I have not thought about you. I wish I could have just 5 minutes to speak to you and to let you know something I had always wanted to say: “ kor, I Love you”. I always thought it was BS when people mentioned heart ache, but it is true as I feel my heart in pain literally from thinking of you.

When we were in kids, everyone referred you as an angel, and me - the devil, you are Day and I am Night. I often thought of the negatives of these remarks but later did I realized in life that we compliment each other. We are literally of different worlds, everything bloody thing is different, heck I don’t even look like you. I remember when we went to kinder, and there was one day I was absent and you got the beating from a dark feller just because I wasn’t there!

You introduced so many things to my life, sharing your thoughts and various interesting aspects. I’ve told Eric to include the song by X-Japan in your page mate, I know you love this band so much and I appreciate it so much when you told me that the X-JAPAN greatest hits DVD I gave you was the greatest birthday gift anyone has given you. I would BUY ALL THE ALBUMS FOR YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!but I know you have better music up there, and you would have probably met Hide by now, that’s if he believed in God, lol.

You were there for my 1st bodybuilding competition in 2005 and I was so hoping you could be there during my 2nd show this year to see the improvements I have made. I went through my phone and saw that sms u sent me “ all the best for Oct 6”, and wished you were there! I don’t even know whether you saw the photos before you left.

Thank you for always listening and letting me have my bloody way all the time! I took you for granted and now am weeping bitterly for you my only brother. Forgive me as I didn’t had the time for you when u rang me the last few time before you leave!!!!!Forgive me…I wish to dial your number, hoping to at least hear your voice in the voicebox, but the pain is too much to bear.

I put on a strong front all the time so that I can be strong for papa and mama, but deep inside, I am so broken without you as you have always been my stronghold subconsciously. I always had the impression that you could look after the important family issues and have always push the that thought away subconsciously, and now when reality hits my face, who do I turn to?

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE PS2, you didn’t have the money, yet you manage to somehow get it for me. And me? I still owe you that Protein powder and Anthony Robbins book. Thanks to my laziness, I will never have the chance to pass them to you. Every year, without fail, you have gotten me birthday gifts and made cards for me. No one ever does that for me but you, you have always been my big korkor.

Deborah speaks highly of you even only after reading the 2 mails you sent her. I did not have the opportunity to introduce you, but she has been my strong support after you. I always wonder where did the water take you, it must have been so cold, I cannot imagine. People are asking me to throw watermelon into the waters, and I know you will be laughing at me if I did it ;).

I will look after your stuff, I know you don’t like people noosing about your belongings, and I will honor that. Pa and Ma miss you to bits and I just wish I could do something that could ease the pain. Can you do something? Please come look for me once in a while, a voice, dream, vision, whatever ways you can because I am helplessly waiting. I will write to you again, meanwhile enjoy all the angelic services and cotton candy you can eat till u drop, and not to forget to say G’day to the big feller next to you and tell him to give me a bigger portion of the earthly blessing since you don’t need it no more..blek :p

Ok la, I am going to best, got to train tomorrow. See you at the gym with your strength in me.

Love you much,
Zi Lu