Memories of Zi On

If there is a way to measure a mother's love


Dear Zi On

Can' t let you go from my thoughts. I owe you billions. If there is a way to measure a mother's love, I owe you billions and billions.

I see a lot of birds around our house, I think of you, you said you wanted to see the birds around Unitata the last time you were back. I look out from the window, I hope you would walk past. I read casually sport news, I think of how much you loved football and had always dreamed of seeing a live UK or world match. I remember you copied many recipes from my cooking recipe books, you had wanted to cook yourself nicer meals when you returned to Australia and had to be on your own. I remember you read seriously "How to improve your reading speed” and eagerly shared the first chapter with me and taught me how to apply it. You always wanted to improve yourself. That afternoon we sat on the two sofas next to each other in our living room, reading about speed-reading. Now I look across and see only the empty sofas, still with the same cushions. I want to write emails to you, if only you can receive and read the tears now in the lines of my words. I call you, “On… On” and I "hear" your usual response, “Ma, Ma, how are you?" That unique voice that belongs to you alone and I privileged alone to hear the gentle calling. I often look at the sky, the morning scene-the promise of a new day, or the evening clouds wrapped in golden rays, I look and look, the sky is never the same, but my wish doesn't change, can I get a glimpse of my dear son up there?...Many ways, I can think of you, many moments, countless, I just long for you.

I know God knows, and I wish you know, your mother just can't stop missing you!

With love
Mama
21 July 2008