Kerk Zi On - 1st Anniversary - 5 December 2008

In loving memory of my great son, Kerk Zi On -
On the 1st anniversary of your glorious departure on 5 Dec 2007

My dearest Zi On,

A year has passed since you left us without a good-bye to your dear papa, mama and brother Zi Lu, without a call, and not a word. But you left us with an forgettable smiling face - that last picture you took with your friends at the beach by the rock, you looked happy and full of life, life of youth at its peak, with a smile that radiates from a heart that is ever full of gentleness and love. You left us without a trace of where you have gone to, without a hint where you could have finally ended. Where are you, son? Silence…more silence. Only God knows.

You ended your earthly journey from that beautiful island Moreton where you bravely rode upon the mighty waves, and eventually and blissfully rested in the deep blue ocean or by the rocky shore, never to look back at what you left behind. But you did leave behind a life – that of another person, which you bravely saved and in the process sacrificially lost your own.


Sudden shock pounded on us. More shock, hard and merciless, swept over us like the mighty waves, followed by utter disbelief. You had gone? Just like that? Our hearts sank into a deep and dark hollow. Then came bewilderment and anguish. “He saved a life. O God, were Your hands too short to save his? Where were You in that hour when we needed You most for our dear son and brother?” We helplessly asked. News broke out – they called you a hero of the Bay! For us it was just the beginning of endless tears, unceasing pain, and deep sorrow and grief inconsolable.

Not a day has since passed without Ma missing you, Zi On. Losing you is a loss that cannot be measured, and nothing can compensate, for nothing is good enough. How could you just go like that, son, my dear son? Ma just could not let you go. I often look into the sky, when I see some beautiful array of clouds in the wee morning, or a bright afternoon or when the sun is going down. I hope to get a glimpse of you in the clouds, imagining heaven is there, where you dwell safely in the arms of Jesus.

Our life over this year is like the live painting of the garden scene outside our house - Dark clouds approaching, hovering above, we hear the winds coming from far, coming near, sending frightened little birds hurriedly seeking shelter, then reaching a crescendo, they powerfully sweep the palms, causing them to sway and bend helplessly in the direction of the force of nature. Then the chief arrived - thundering storms accompanied by flickering lightning, turning into fearless flashes across the dark sky. And the rain continues, like millions of tear drops crying over the land without you, whispering a song of silent grief which grips and penetrates the heart. Ever since you left, the scene of the tropical thundering storm in the late afternoon plays too frequently in front of our house. Yes, the house you left, never to return, leaving your mom often motionless, watching the rain outside the window, and my heart weeps once again. Son, are you Ok in the far away sea? You must be cold?! Yet your loving mom could do nothing.

Rain and sorrow are synonymous to me since you left.

Amidst the pain and endless longing, I searched for the meaning of your sudden departure.

You are the son we prayed for, and God gave by grace, not just a son but an angel of a son. When your name was chosen, we asked that this son would develop godly attributes in his character, and that God would shine through his life:

“Out of Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth”. Psalm 50:2

Looking back, I thank God that He molded and shaped you into a person whom He fulfilled that promise given 25 years ago. You have the most gentleness of spirit and a heart full of love. Your humility and meekness made me wonder with what strength you endured the arrogance and selfishness often seen in the world around you. Your ready smile characterized by a gentle spirit of kindness is what you gave to the world and to us. Son, my heart is full of your smiling face with the sweetest remembrance of you.

Son, Ma is now here in Brisbane, the last stop of your earthy journey where your heart was still searching for a brighter future in the horizon, where there were still many dreams you had desired to pursue and aspirations you had longed to fulfill.

Yet you had long decided that your aspiration was to be a man of substance, of courage, of true friendship. God granted your wish. That day, in the far away land, the beautiful Moreton Island, by the Bay surrounded by surging sea, you actually completed your mission on earth. Bravely taking your cross, you followed your Saviour’s footsteps. You gave your life for another person, thus fulfilling the word of the Lord,

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”
John 15:13

And the Lord called you His friend.

“You are my friends if you do what I command.” John 15:14.

And I know there awaited for you in heaven, a crown of glory, which the Lord has bestowed on you as He said “Well done, good and faithful servant…Enter into the joy your Lord.."

I am proud to be your mom, my great son! My dear Zi On, rest peacefully in the bosom of Jesus. And I look forward to the glorious hope that we will meet you again.

On, I love you!

Your loving mom,
5-Dec 2008